Ya so… get ready for this one. And promise me you won’t leave after the first sentence. Promise? Ok good.
So I was watching an episode of 90210 the other day…. NOOO don’t go. I promise this is good.
In the episode, the characters go on a yoga retreat in Ojai (wooo! Love yoga retreats in Ojai) and they are asked what they want. Responses vary, but answers begin with money, fame, success, common things. Then people are asked to go deeper and deeper until they figure out what they are actually searching for. So I decided we’re all going to go through the exercise now.
What Do I Want?
Ya. So my obvious answers. I want to travel more. I want enough money to live comfortably. I want a family. I want the things, I think, most people want. It changes the perspective a bit to include in that statement that I already travel at least 9 months a year, I work minimum wage at best jobs and I don’t stay in a place long enough for the locals to learn my name usually, let alone find a boyfriend and procreate.
So the “whys”. What is my motivation?
Why do I want to travel more? For me, it’s about learning. I love knowing things. Maybe it’s a competitive thing. Maybe it’s genetic. I don’t know. All I do know, is that I get serious satisfaction from knowing more than others, or at least having a broader perspective. That is, for me, fueled heavily by travel. Learning about other cultures, about living in others’ shoes. I don’t see how it could be easier to gain perspective than to live it. And for me, that’s what travel does. Allows me to live other lives, other perspectives, so I can have opinions which are not completely based on what I hear on the news.
Why do I want to make money? This is a tough one. Having the family the house the more “typical” American life, the stable life, is appealing. Maybe because I’m on the road so much, I long to live the stable American dream. But I don’t think stability has to revolve around having a permanent geographically stagnant life. Stability for me is more about knowing that when I wake up tomorrow, that I am on the right path and that I have a support system to back me up. It’s about having confidence in my life choices as well as having confidence that when I do screw shit up, that I can make it out the other side. Unfortunately, this is made easier by money. And right now, I have none. I live paycheck to paycheck, only, my last paycheck came in 2009. So maybe I want more money because I don’t have it and I think it might make things easier. The problem, for me, is if I had it, I’d spend it, and I’d still be broke. C’est la vie.
Why do I want a family? I mean, on the surface, sure. Who doesn’t want someone to be with, even temporarily. We all have a sex drive whether it’s to men or women or both, it’s in our nature to want sex and I’m not exception. But this isn’t about wanting something physical. I want something deeper. Something more. Because I don’t just want to man, but I want the whole *ahem* package. Like… kids? And I like to say “not anytime soon” but I think what I really mean is “not until I find someone I want to have them with.” If that be tomorrow, or in 10 years, whatever. So why? I think we come back to the learning thing. When do you learn more than when you are pushed to your limits?
Recently, in reply to a post Dave wrote about finding his passion, Joel said something that struck me. “Y’all are lucky.” I usually am a strong hater of the word luck and the typical “I wish”-ers who accompany them. But this was different. I realized, that something that I have, my passion for life, for the things I love, is not something that can be created or just… done. What Joel is searching for, what Dave and I have found, is the thing which makes us tick. And it’s not as easy as quitting your job, doing what you love or moving across the country. Finding your passion is rare.
I’m lucky enough to know what I want in life. For me, life exists to live (seems obvious, but sometimes we put that on the backburner). My first priority is me. Making myself happy. Seems selfish, and it is. But it’s not like “oh, whatever I want I get” kind of selfish. I think it’s reasonable for us to put our own happiness ahead of all else. Most of my desires fall as steps to complete these. Traveling comfortably and hopefully someday with a family of my own are the things I think will make me happy day in and day out. My second purpose in life, so to speak, is to help people and share the knowledge learned in purpose #1. About travel, about life, about religion, about love. Live a life of example. Live a life I am proud of. The rest will follow.
What about you? What are your passions and why? Where are you looking?